Hello,
We are searching for advice on how to begin an open adoption with our son’s first mom. What should the first letter say? Also if she does want an open adoption what the next steps should be? We are not sure if our son’s first mom was given the opportunity to choose if she would like an open adoption since it was an international adoption. We feel that for her and the son we both share we should see if she would like to have contact with us. We do know that she brought clothing to the hospital to dress him in and expressed her desire that she wanted it to go with him and for him to know that it came from her. We feel that this might be a sign that she does desire some kind of contact with us about the son we both share.
My husband is adopted and just recently had a reunion with his first father’s family. My husband nor his first father’s family was ever given the chance or option to have an open adoption which is something that deeply saddens us as well as them. We feel that we understand what our son is going to feel as he becomes older and maybe what his first mother might feel if she desires contact and was never given the opportunity.
We would appreciate any advice or wisdom anyone has to offer. If there are any books or sites on the internet that would help guide us that anyone knows of that also would be wonderful.
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I would start by sending her a letter thanking her for your son and maybe include a picture of him wearing the clothes she gave him. Maybe tell her a little about your family and let her know that you are thinking of her with love and that you plan to be honest about your son’s adoption and her and let her know if she wants to have contact with you and him in the future the door is open.
I would send the BirthMom a letter thanking her for her precious gift. I would also mention the clothes. I would then offer an open invitation to send pcitues or share information about herself. I would also ask if she would like pictures. Start slowly and build trust.