I had never considered adoption for my daughter prior to being admitted to the hospital. My baby had suddenly decided to come early, and I did not have any support.

In the hospital, I was interrogated by an adoption lawyer and agency. This was while in the hospital bed, the day after my daughter was born. I don’t know how they found me, as I had never contacted any adoption agency, as it wasn’t a part of my idea. I asked about being in an open adoption, as a part of my daughter’s life. They broke me down for hours, until I signed papers giving up my rights to my daughter, but they had also agreed that I’d have an open adoption with visits, pictures, updates, etc. When I met the adoptive parents, prior to the finalization, they made these same promises.

11 years later, the adoption has been closed. After three years I stopped receiving pictures and updates. I have found them, and am in an email exchange with a criminal lawyer friend of theirs who is also an adoptive parent who doesn’t get it. I wrote to him again, but he just defends the adoptive parents, saying they were nice and then he told me my daughter doesn’t even know she’s adopted! This is after the adoptive mother stated that she tells my daughter about me.

I feel very betrayed. But I am still plugging away. I am afraid that I will never be allowed to be a part of my daughter’s life. Since she doesn’t know she’s adopted, she will never search for me. It’s been 11 years that have been lost. I feel like I just keep beating my head into the wall with these people. All I want, is what I was promised.

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