Yesterday a coworker of mine brought up adoption. She made a couple of statements about families she knows where the adoptive children have had behavioral problems and connected that to the fact they were adopted. I corrected the statement and made her aware that it had nothing to do with adoption. She then continued to state that when you adopt you don’t know what problems (mental or drug wise was stated) the birthfamilies pass on to their biological children. I also corrected her on that statement. I also think she has a mind set and could have cared less about my statements. My problem is that I can’t let it go in my mind. It bothers me that people who know me would make such rude and general statements. How do you get past such statements from people who know you have adopted?
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It is unfortunate that such ignorance regarding adoption still exists and the truth is that you cannot control it. You just focus on the fact that you, having adopted are doing a wonderful thing for that child you love and that is the only fact that matters. Please don’t stress over these silly comments because your mission is so much greater than that and so is the wonderful life you offer your adopted child. You have already changed one very important person’s perception of adoption…..and speaking in terms of the bigger picture, isn’t this the only opinion that matters anyway.
Thanks for all you do!
Jennifer
as a first mom, I have heard many hurtful things directed at me about the fact that I placed my son.
I have to deal with and patiently correct again and again.
I believe in this world there will always be small minded people who refuse to learn.
I often worry that my son will been seen in a negative manner by friends and family of his adoptive family.
I believe that they treat him normally, but still I wonder what they all really think about him.
Sometimes I wish I could meet the people who might think negativly about my son and tell them about how I took great care during my pregnancy to make sure that my son would be healthy. I doubt they would care to listen, but I still wish I could tell them all.
Yes, I have ADD and depression has been a problem in my life and in the life of my family.
Also I have bad coordination.
These kinds of problems happen to many other people, they are not unusual.
Yes, my son might have inherited these things from me.
But his adoptive parents know all this and are more than able to parent him.
Many people who have even worse physical or mental problems than myself see no qualms in having and raising children.
When my husband and I announced to our family (his side of the family and mine), we received some very negative feedback. No one had ever adopted a child…in his family or mine. My mother was absolutely horrified and for a whole year…while we waited for the news that we had been chosen by a young couple to be their little girl’s family….my mother called me every day with “adoption horror stories” and tried her very best to convince me that this was a very bad idea and we should not adopt. She even went as far as to say that the reason I had not been able to get pregnant a second time was because God did not want me to have another baby. I was hurt by all of this. But I knew in my heart that our family was not complete. I knew in my heart that adoption was the right thing.
Once we brought our little girl home from the hospital…my mother forgot all of her bad comments and negativity. When I brought it up to her the other day…she actually denies that she ever was against this adoption and that she ever said those horrible things to me. Our little girl is so precious to all of us and has brought us so much joy….it washed away everything negative that anyone in our family ever thought.
As for anyone outside of our family. I have never had anyone say anything bad about adoption…at least to my face. However…I notice that I am more sensitive to stories in the media and on TV. Those things bother me for a little while, and then I think that Hollywood for the most part has no sense of reality.
As a bmom, I have also heard my fair share of negative comments. From the hospital room overhearing a nurse say “She’s so cute how could anybody give her away?” as if only ugly babies are placed for adoption to being told I’m a horrible selfish person for throwing my baby away like garbage. There seem to be a lot of people that consider all birthparents to be 14 year old drug addicts, but those people are just ignorant. If I care about the person I try to correct them or give them examples to counter their statements. I think education is the only way to change the way the adoption world is perceived. At the end of the day though you just have to let the negative comments go in one ear and out the other.