during the open adoption with my son, we have been helping his bmother find a job, get on her feet etc because shes showed that she is in fact trying.He was removed and her rights terminated. We agreed on 3 visits a year, but we do lots more. The problem now is her mom, she never wanted our son and never really saw him, but now that were helping out her daughter, she feels as though i should be the mother to her kids also. Shes asked me to watch them, shes not a very good role model to begin with ie,,drinking ALOT most days. I feel bad for her children, but ive adopted 1.. not her oldest(sons bmother) and her other 2! They are not the best influence for my family and im not sure how to distance myself and still have relationship with bmother?
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Hmmm…. that’s tricky!! I think you should talk with your sons first mom and tell her to talk to her own mom. I am a bit confused about the dynamics of this situation. Can you possibly tell us more?
ok..k is my sons b mother
c is the b grandmother
maddy, scotty aremy sonsbio aunt and uncle..Cs 2 other kids. ages 6 and 17(17yr old has dev, delays)
We have been helping k out,,job hunting, just being a good role modle to show her what a family really is. C asked if maddy and scotty can tag along with k on days she visits us. Ive let it slide a few times but im NOT a babysitter for her other kids so she can drink and party. The problem that arises is she says to K…if you dont take them, then im not allowing u to use car,, or door will b locked when you get home. K has been spending a weekend with us here and there,,and now C is askin if the other 2 can come! I NEED to pull away, but with K living with C its close to impossible!
Wow… it sounds like your family’s needs need to come first here. Boundaries are being stretched and B-Grandma is putting you in a hard place. Is there a social worker involved with B-Grandma? She seems to be threatening or blackmailing her daughter, your B-Mom which leaves this poor girl in a tricky situation if she wants contact with you guys. However, you need to pull away so B-Mom might have to just not have as close of contact with you right now until she gets on her own. This is still being a good role model as you are standing up for your family and their needs and will still be encouraging for her however, not enabling her mother to blackmail or abuse you. Contact the social worker and let her know to watch the situation and that this is what you are doing.
Maybe you will have to meet at a location other than your home and pick up the B-Mom so there isn’t a chance that she will need the car to come to visit you.