Introducing the two administrators…
As an adoptive mom parenting my daughter in a fully open adoption, I know how hard it is to get answers when the inevitable conflicts arise. If we talk to friends and family who don’t share our commitment to openness we hear, “It’s time you moved on” or “You should just close the adoption.” Even fellow members in our respective adoption communities may not be much help. If we are first parents, other first parents in closed adoptions may not be able to understand what we’re going through. If we’re adoptive parents, we may hear the same tired “close the adoption” from families who don’t support openness.
Not all of us are living open adoptions — we may not have access to our kids or we may not have access to their other parents — but we are living in the belief that open adoption is important to our children.
One thing I want to make clear is that this site, as an entity, does not promote one way to have a healthy open adoption. Open adoption looks like a lot of different things for different families and what works for one family may not work for another. We also understand that sometimes our belief in open adoption is not shared by our children’s other parents. If you are part of a closed adoption that you wish were open, know that you are welcome here.
What we have in common is the understanding that our children have two families and that both families matter because they matter to our children. We may disagree on the details but that’s the central value that drives this site.
I am many things in my life. In addition to being a wife and a mother, I am a first mother in a fully open adoption. My daughter was relinquished for adoption in 2003. Since that time I have worked with her parents to form an open, honest relationship that is beneficial for all involved. We have hit speed bumps over the years. We have made mistakes. We have hurt feelings and had feelings hurt. But in the end we have continued to put in the hard work because we believe that the little girl at the center of the issue deserves our best.
I have been blogging about my personal adoption issues over at The Chronicles of Munchkin Land since 2006. (Prior to that I was writing a more private journal online.) I have been writing for AdoptionBlogs in many different ways since October of 2006. I have been active not only on this site but many other adoption forums over the past six years. I continue to push for reform, not just for ethical adoptions and appropriate counseling for pre-adoptive and expectant families considering adoption but for adoptees to receive their original birth certificates. I get all kinds of passionate about ethics, reform and the issues associated with them so take that as your warning.
When Dawn asked if I wanted to help administrate this site, I couldn’t think of a reason to say no. We spoke together in October of 2007 (when I was very pregnant with my youngest son) at the University of Pittsburgh. Over the years I have come to respect Dawn for the work she does in the adoption community. Not just by the sites she creates or the posts that she writes but by the life she lives with her family. She is a living example of everything she talks about (mistakes and all). She’s helped me through some of my issues and, in turn, made me a better first mother to my daughter (and hopefully a better friend to her mom). In the end, I continue to want to give back to the adoption community what has been given to me (without the trolldom). Until all families are being properly counseled, I will continue to reach out to those in need.
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