Community Wisdom is anonymously submitted questions about adoption that are answered by our members. Anyone can submit a question here and then we will post it to the blog and the community is encouraged to share their thoughts and experiences.

• Openness with families who are addicts?
• How many too many members of birthfamily for first visit?
• Do you do Facebook with your child's other family?
• How can I prepare for a long visit?
• First mom can't meet. Should I worry?
• What is all this pain for?
• My child's first mom ignored her birthday. How do I handle it?
• How do I talk about absent birth fathers?
• How do we get our child's bmom to visit?
• Child's privacy on facebook?
• How do birth families feel about adoptive breastfeeding?
• How do you keep negative comments about adoption from bothering you?
• How do I explain that her birth mom can't or won't see her?
• What kind of photos do first families want?
• How much do adoptive parents tell their friends?
• Should we let our addicted daughter visit our grandson?
• Have I set my daughter up for disappointment?
• How do I handle stealing?
• Can I give gifts just to my son or do I need to include his parents other kids?
• We try to be positive but the bio parents are so negative. What do we do?
• Open adoption with baby we didn't adopt?
• My daughter's first mom found us on facebook. Now what?
• They haven't even told my daughter she's adopted. Now what?
• How do I go about opening a closed adoption?
• How to tell her not to call herself "mommy?"
• Should I send this to my daughter's birth mom?
• How do we say no to extended family involvement?
• How can I ask my child's parents to be more consistent?
• What do I do when his birth mom is inappropriate?
• How do I deal with how much this hurts?
• How do you stay motivated when there's no response?
• What questions would you ask an expectant mom?
• Sharing info about family tree assignments & adoption?
• How do I get my child's adoptive parents to send the pictures?
• My sister is searching for her birth parents -- will I lose her?
• How do adoptive parents decide guardianship?
• Do we have to send letters to grandparents?
• How can I get the adoptive parents to stretch their boundaries?
• How to handle too many gifts from first family?
• What do first parents want to hear?
• What does the relationship between first mom and child look like?
• What do you do when she just won’t respond? I just don’t know when to give up.
• How to approach our son’s first mother on beginning an open adoption?
• I lied about the birth father. How do I tell the truth now?
• How do we explain why one child has an open adoption and the other does not?
• What do I call my child's older birth siblings?
• How do I explain without bad-mouthing?
• Should I search for my son's first mother?
• Lying to others about the adoption?
• What name does the first family use with the adopted child?
• Fear of stalking?
• Suddenly back in touch -- what role do I have?
• First father is dangerous and contacting us, what do I do?
• Can birth mother and adoptive mother be friends?
• When the adoption isn’t a secret, how do you tell people you don’t want to share?
• Why would the bio grandparents not want to see their grandson?
• Grieving as a grandmother, where can I find help?
• First Grandparent is hostile, what to do?
• my daughter birthmom is having serious grief issues, but I don't know how much I can help?
• Will I get my real family in trouble now that I've found them?
• What if the birthparents want to be called mom and dad?
• Can I decide first family titles as the adoptive parent?
• Should I expect my adopted child to grieve his adoption?
• Why do people think first mom is always best?
• In an interfamily adoption, how do we talk about it all?
• How do I deal with too many visits?
• I planned to place, now I'm having my doubts. What do I do?
• My child's cousin by birth is struggling with the adoption. How do I help?
• I'm 13 and just found my mom online. Now what do I do?
• Openness and "primal wound"?
• What will my first mom expect from me post-reunion?
• Why don't first fathers get the same consideration as first moms?
• How much should I share with my child's birth mom?
• What should we consider in an inter-family open adoption?
• Why is my daughter mean to me after visits?
• How do I tell my kids about their older brother?
• Is it normal that I feel this fond of my child's first mom lately?
• Are we out all the expectant mother expenses?
• I resent our son's biofather for contesting the adoption. Now what?
• Any advice on re-establishing contact with son's first mom?
• Should I make my daughter come with me to visit her placed sibling?
• How do I tell my son's birth parents that we're divorcing?
• Why do adoptive parents close adoptions?
• How much say do I have in first family relationships?
• What are the biological mother's obligations to their adult child after being reunited?
• How do I cope with people who want to make my child a poster child for his/her issues?
• How can we move forward with finalization?
• How do we make sense of the adoption laws?
• First Mom and child's birthday
• My son's first mom wants unsupervised visits but I have huge safety concerns. How do I handle telling her no?
• What gifts can a birth/first mom give her birthchilds adoptive parents?
• What should I get my child's first parent for the holidays?
• We are feeling hurt and lied to by our daughter's birth family. What do we do?
• What names does your child use with his/her first family?
• Adoptive parents, would you want the first/birth mom of the child you adopted to tell her friends?
• Should I help my child's first parents financially?
• Can we help more before finalization?
• Should we agree to more than we're comfortable with?
• Should I disclose my wish to nurse the baby we adopt?
• Why do so many think an open adoption is legally different than a closed?
• Help understanding cocaine exposure issues?
• How close is too close?
• "Her" son? Is that appropriate?
• Should adoptive parents be given more info before the adoption?
• Do adoptive moms ever regret parenting?
• Advice to an expectant mom considering placement?
• How do others balance all the family at the holidays?
• Openness when adopting older kids from foster care?
• At what age should I tell my adopted child that I am really her grandmother?
• How will we get through this adoption?
• What do the children refer to each other as?
• What can I do to keep my relationship close with my son even though I live so far from him?
• Any advice on my daughter (15) meeting her birthmom for the first time?
• Do first grandparents have rights?
• How do I tell my daughter that our family friends are her birth family?
• How can I find more positive support from other first parents?
• Do I share enough? Too much?
• Do most open adoptions eventually close?
• How do I heal a misunderstanding? Or should I let things go?
• My son calls us both mommy. Am I doing right by him?
• attachment disorder and a visit with first mom?
• I found my child's first mom online; should I contact her?
• Grandparent rights after adoption?
• My agency is asking for more money, is this ok?
• Should I wait for them to contact me first?
• How do I decline a first parent's requests?
• What to do on Mother's Day?
• How do I go about adopting a friend's baby?
• How do I reestablish contact?
• How do I know if my child's first mom is content with our open adoption?
• What if my child was conceived by rape?
• How do I navigate a long visit at our house?
• My child wants to know why he doesn't see his first mom anymore. What do I say?
• How can we get our son's birthfather to accept the adoption?
• How do I introduce my child's parents?
• Is it ok to ask for visits?
• I get anxious when the first families contact us. Is this normal?
• How can I get the grandparents to respect our family boundaries?
• How do I start a search?
• When does contacting first parents become hounding?
• Is it impossible to set out to create an open international adoption?
• Any adoption related kids books written from the natural mothers perspective?
• How do I stop my son's adoption??
• We are having difficulties establishing boundaries with my daughter's fraternal birth grandparents.
• Can I give my baby to my friends?
• What do I do when my values about safety are different than my child's first family?
• My son would like to get to know me. However, the custodial parents are against the idea. What should I do?
• How do we write a pro-openness adoption profile?
• I have a five year old daughter that has not seen her biological father since she was a year old. Now he wants to see her.
• I love my sister (my daughter's bio mom) but I don't want her in my daughter's life. How do I explain the relationship?
• How can I encourage our son's first mom to write him a letter explaining how/why she gave up her child for adoption?
• How can I find a therapist who understands open adoption?
• What can I do to ensure I'll have an open adoption before I place my child?
• How can I find an ethical agency or attorney?
• Is open adoption confusing to the kids?