Comments for Jane's Calamity

Comment on I Found A Folder I Didn’t Recognize… by Jane

Jane — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:34:56 +0000

Thank you Jenna.

I think the hardest part about seeing that and knowing that is that I know the birth certificate information was submitted before we left the hospital and I didn’t sign any paperwork related to the adoption until weeks later. My rights were still intact when that information was sent to the state.

Even if I had signed ‘on time’ when the agency wanted me to, I still would have had my rights in place upon discharge, because I couldn’t even sign until 72 hours after her birth and we were discharged at the 24 hour mark.

I am still trying to process all of the emotions. I am upset, because they took away my right to be her parent for the short time that I was her parent. What if I had decided to parent her?

I don’t even know what to think.

Comment on I Found A Folder I Didn’t Recognize… by Jenna

Jenna — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 03:47:55 +0000

Wow. There are no words. Not enough words, at the very least.

I am pretty certain, due to PA’s laws and how things went down at the hospital, that the Munchkin’s birth father is not listed on the birth certificate. And THAT makes me angry and feel awful about myself.

But what you just found? And read?

Would similarly obliterate me. I just can’t imagine. Nor do I want to.

I understand what you’re feeling and I offer my support. Remember that she knows you, knows who you are and will be able to find you should she so desire… even if the laws screw us all

Comment on This Totally Sucks by OAS Administrator

OAS Administrator — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:35:57 +0000

I’m sorry that the holidays are so hard and lord knows you’ve got enough going on. Why do feelings have to make sense anyway? We yearn for the things we didn’t have even when those things turned out to have always been figments of our imagination and that’s just how it is. Feelings aren’t logical and people don’t always get that. Argh. I think you need a break from your life. I wish I could send you tickets to someplace cool and breeze with lots of blue water and lots of quiet and lots of fresh fruit that someone else peels and cuts up for you and keeps in endless supply!!!

Comment on Open Adoption Roundtable: My OA Wish List by cindy.psbm

cindy.psbm — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 06:17:00 +0000

I can relate on many things you say.

Honestly I have to say I wouldn’t mind if my son was angry at me for placing him for adoption. Any emotion expressed by him would be gladly received by me.
To tell you the truth I think in 10-15 years if my son *doesn’t* express anger toward me I would be a little disappointed because I am angry at *myself* for placing him…

Comment on The Open Adoption Roundtable: Just When I Thought I Knew, I Didn’t by SchmennaLeigh

SchmennaLeigh — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 12:22:04 +0000

I think, Jane, you should expand upon this idea. You’ve got something going right here. A series of posts comparing and contrasting your personal experiences could be enlightening for the adoption world. Not the be-all-and-end-all of any possible advice but a very unique perspective that people aren’t even aware exists.

Go with it.

Comment on The Open Adoption Roundtable: Just When I Thought I Knew, I Didn’t by Heather

Heather — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 06:30:37 +0000

I apologize for the question being geared to first and adoptive parents. I was thinking about the list as it stands, and at the moment there aren’t any blogs on it written by folks who grew up in open adoptions.

It makes sense that you wouldn’t necessarily want people looking to you for advice. Each relationship is so unique and what works for one family might not work for another. I think that’s part of why I’m so gung-ho about us all sharing our stories just as stories, because that way we can learn from each other outside of whole context of giving/getting advice.

Comment on The Open Adoption Roundtable: Just When I Thought I Knew, I Didn’t by dawn

dawn — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 01:24:47 +0000

I could see how giving advice would make you feel uneasy. I think it’s like giving advice about marriage. You can give it and sometimes general advice is even useful but then every marriage relationship is so unique and built on its own unique values/expectations/history so it really only goes so far. You can’t really say SHOULDs with relationships other than that they should be based on respect and as much understanding as we can muster but then even that takes a person only so far because there is always the other person dealing with things on their end of the relationship, too.

Comment on I’m Not Anti-Adoption, I am Pro-Adoption Reform by britney

britney — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 22:33:52 +0000

I totally agree and, for the most part, this was my experience in placing. I was offered LOTS of resources and encouraged to talk to other birthmoms and do research on my own before making a decision. I was lucky to have lots of support, and am now dedicated to offering that support to other women who find themselves in such a situation. I am still very early into my placement, but am extremely confident in my decision, which is mostly due to how well informed I was when I made it.

Comment on I’m Not Anti-Adoption, I am Pro-Adoption Reform by Heather

Heather — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 08:04:30 +0000

Great post. I think there are pockets of professionals trying to do the kinds of things you describe–we just somehow need that to become the norm!