Comments on: What one thing about open adoption would you tell your past self, if you could? http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/ Just another Open Adoption Support weblog Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:34:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Roundtable #1: Hindsight « Open Adoption Bloggers http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/comment-page-1/#comment-13 Roundtable #1: Hindsight « Open Adoption Bloggers Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:34:10 +0000 http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/?p=7#comment-13 [...] Jeannette looks back and wishes she had better understood how much she had to offer her daughter in those early years. [...] [...] Jeannette looks back and wishes she had better understood how much she had to offer her daughter in those early years. [...]

]]> By: D http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/comment-page-1/#comment-12 D Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:39:55 +0000 http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/?p=7#comment-12 Thank you for this. I think it's somewhat "easy" to forget when they're little that everything we do is for our kids. Right now, it's easy to feel like any relationship that we have with DD's first mom is for her and for us, but all of those memories and experiences are for the little girl we all love. Thank you for this. I think it’s somewhat “easy” to forget when they’re little that everything we do is for our kids. Right now, it’s easy to feel like any relationship that we have with DD’s first mom is for her and for us, but all of those memories and experiences are for the little girl we all love.

]]> By: Karen http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/comment-page-1/#comment-5 Karen Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:50:06 +0000 http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/?p=7#comment-5 I hope Evie's birthmom reads this somehow. She has said she wants to write letters but we haven't received any yet and I am longing to have some put away for Evie to read to her when she starts to understand things. I hope Evie’s birthmom reads this somehow. She has said she wants to write letters but we haven’t received any yet and I am longing to have some put away for Evie to read to her when she starts to understand things.

]]> By: amy http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/comment-page-1/#comment-4 amy Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:28:05 +0000 http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/?p=7#comment-4 hmm...my smiley face is supposed to be - the number eight followed by a close parenthesis. hmm…my smiley face is supposed to be – the number eight followed by a close parenthesis.

]]> By: amy http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/comment-page-1/#comment-3 amy Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:26:07 +0000 http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/?p=7#comment-3 I was so worried about how I would respond to contact with the first family - what if they want too much? how can I set my boundaries? what if they try to tell me what to do? etc.. I never considered the flip side. That not hearing from first mom for 7 months (going on 8) would be hard. I never considered that seeing pictures of her spending time with other children would be hard (she babysits a lot and posts photos on her facebook). As a positive I'm pleasantly surprised that I yearn for her to be in his life - I don't think I really expected that. All of our support groups and agency seminars were focused on the benefits of contact and debunking all of those fears and mysteries. I wish someone had told me to prepare for actually wanting that contact, but not getting it. I just really didn't expect to want it as much as I do. I was so worried about how I would respond to contact with the first family – what if they want too much? how can I set my boundaries? what if they try to tell me what to do? etc..

I never considered the flip side. That not hearing from first mom for 7 months (going on 8) would be hard. I never considered that seeing pictures of her spending time with other children would be hard (she babysits a lot and posts photos on her facebook). As a positive I’m pleasantly surprised that I yearn for her to be in his life – I don’t think I really expected that.

All of our support groups and agency seminars were focused on the benefits of contact and debunking all of those fears and mysteries. I wish someone had told me to prepare for actually wanting that contact, but not getting it. I just really didn’t expect to want it as much as I do.

]]> By: dawn http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/2009/06/08/what-one-thing-about-open-adoption-would-you-tell-your-past-self-if-you-could/comment-page-1/#comment-2 dawn Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:30:51 +0000 http://openadoptionsupport.com/jeannette/?p=7#comment-2 I think this is one thing agencies really need to do -- educate expectant families about the whys of open adoption for the kids. Adoptive parents often get some kind of training (we did) but expectant parents rarely do (my daughter's mom didn't get anything). Now she knows how much she matters to her daughter but I don't think she realized that at the beginning. I think this is one thing agencies really need to do — educate expectant families about the whys of open adoption for the kids. Adoptive parents often get some kind of training (we did) but expectant parents rarely do (my daughter’s mom didn’t get anything). Now she knows how much she matters to her daughter but I don’t think she realized that at the beginning.

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