i am 5wks pregnant and will only go through this pregnancy if i can give my baby up for adoption to my friends who are a couple and have been for seven years - as they cant have children and are desperate to - because id know my baby would be in good care - is this possible ? because otherwise id choose to abort.
Can I give my baby to my friends?
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This is so excruciatingly
This is so excruciatingly complicated. I am an adoptive mom in a *very* open adoption -- and I knew my daugther's first mom before the prospect of adoption ever came up between us. I believe I do have some insight that might be relevant to you. But there is no way I could write it all out. It would be a book!! I have no opinion about whether you should do this or not -- but I do have some thoughts you might want to consider before making the decision either way. If you want to e-mail me at ibex67@gmail.com, i would be happy to give you my phone number. You can even call collect.
In any case, I wish you the best.
First, I'm sorry that you're
First, I'm sorry that you're in such a predicament. I also have to
say that you're a real friend to consider placing your child with your
child-less friends.
I'm an adoptive parent, so I can't speak to the expectant/birth parent
experience. But there is a great group called BirthMom Buds, and I
think you'll find some great information there. They have mentors to
help a pregnant mom considering placement decide if adoption is right
for her situation. http://www.birthmombuds.com/
I wish you strength. ~R
hmm... talk to a lawyer talk
hmm...
talk to a lawyer
talk to other first moms
talk to this couple at great length about EVERYTHING you can think of that might be good or bad about having someone you know adopt your child
don't make any decisions until you are ABSOLUTELY certain.
I would advise you to
I would advise you to research all of your available options. You are only five weeks pregnant. If you are not opposed to abortion, you know the amount of time left you have to appropriately research your options before that option is no longer available to you.
I encourage you to research, now (as in ASAP), the available parenting resources available to you on top of the ins and outs of open aodption. You didn't say what state you live in and so I strongly advise you to hit up the State Statute Search on ChildWelfare.gov to seek out information about adoption in your state. Do realize that not all states have legally binding open adoptions and even those that do have the ability to file a contract with the court don't often provide recourse for birth parents to modify, enforce or terminate said contract. It is so vastly important for you to be fully informed of this information.
I am often wary of placing a child for adoption with friends or family. It changes the dynamics of a relationship, severely and not always in the direction of "better." Beyond that, if you are matching with friends, issues regarding money (for pregnancy related expenses) can often hinder the relationship as well. I bring this up because I am a full supporter of an unbiased third party providing counseling for all involved. If you don't have the funds to provide for this, are your friends willing to do such a thing... even if it ends up causing you not to place in the end? As you can see, things could get hairy.
Again, you are only five weeks pregnant. I encourage you to fully research everything available to you at this time. While you're at it, hit up birth parent blogs and research the grief and loss associated with placement. Grab the book "Lifegivers" by James L. Gritter and read up. Ask questions. Demand answers.
I'm concerned that you're
I'm concerned that you're thinking first of your friends and not of yourself. Remember -- no matter what happens, right now this is about YOU and not about friends who yearn for kids.
I think it's very important that you reach out to women who have placed (on this site or other forums) and find out what it really means to place your baby for adoption. There are long-term consequences to placing a child for adoption for everyone.
If, after your research, you still feel committed to making an adoption plan you need to research what that plan might look like and whether or not including your friends will still make sense. There are issues specific to doing an adoption with people to whom you are close and you'll want to address those together.
Absolutely! I would
Absolutely! I would suggest you get a lawyer and they get a lawyer (probably better if they are seperate) and make the agreement. I'm sure your friends would be SO happy and feel that it was a priviledge to raise this baby. :)