When we adopted my son from South Korea in 2005, we had no idea that we could (or should) talk to our agency about openness. I have since learned that there are sometimes options for semi-open adoption arrangements with at least some Korean agencies, including ours (under special circumstances, at least).
I contacted our agency to ask what the possibilities might be for searching for our son's first mother. The social worker responded that search could be initiated by our son at age 13 (!!), but that if we wanted to establish contact before that time, we could include a request in a letter sent to our son's file (first families can access the files if they choose, but not all do).
My next step is to include this request in the annual letter that I send to his file. Just thinking about it is giving me anxiety and writer's block, though. I'm not sure how to phrase the request or explain why it would be of value to her or our son.
Any ideas?
I don't have any specific
I don't have any specific suggestions because your situation is so different from ours. We are in the very beginning of the process of trying to locate our daughter's birthfamily in China. It is a completely different process. If I were writing a letter, I would just try to write from my heart.
There is a good forum with a lot of resources about opening international adoptions here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthParentContact/ It is pretty heavily weighted toward the eastern European countries, but there are some families who adopted from Asia there as well.
Also, if I were you, I would probably contact some of the organizations that were created to serve adult Korean adoptees and see what resources they can offer. I think a few are GOA'L and Also Known As. You should know that there are some very strong opinions against adoptive parents searching among adult adoptees. There are some adoptees who are supportive as well.
Good Luck!
Hi, thanks for the buddy
Hi, thanks for the buddy request!
You are facing a dilemma that is well known to many adoptive parents of Korean children. There are so many issues to consider when taking this step - what the impacts to our children and their mothers will be, whether it is something our children would have wanted us to do, and even if we are maybe taking our children's search experience away from them by doing this. Opinions on whether or not to open a closed Korean adoption run the gamut from "absolutely" to "absolutely not," so others' experiences don't provide a lot of guidance.
Once the decision is made, though, which is where I think you are (and where I was for many years), I think simply honesty is the best way to express your hope to your child's mother. Pretty much all the research points to the fact that, in the absence of circumstances that might make it unacceptable in one situation or another, openness is better for children and mothers. In Korean adoption, though, one of the challenges will be that there is no history of semi-openness, so mothers who need to preserve their privacy may view a request for openness with fear. I would therefore include suggestions for ways in which you can work through an intermediary to preserve her privacy or even anonymity if that is what she chooses.
There are a couple of organizations you may want to look into for additional help. InKAS, International Korean Adoptee Services, has facilitiated a number of searches and will work with adoptive families. G.O.A'L is an organization founded by adoptees that assists with searches as well. I'm not sure G.O.A'L will work with adoptive parents, but they may have information to share that will help.
Good luck as you move forward!