I feel we, as an open adoption support group, need to address the oft quoted, but unverified and un-cited statistic: "an estimated that 80% of all open adoptions are closed"
I see this stat on blogs, forums, answer sites etc. and have been unable to find the source for this. You can Google search it to see the prevalence.
So, my questions are:
A) If it is a reliable, verified fact, what is the source so we can properly cite it, then what can we, as advocates of open adoption, do to change it?
B) If it was made up, or misinterpreted, how can we correct the perceptions of those that believe and repeat it?
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In using the people we know
In using the people we know from forums and online areas it's also important to look at who is there and why. Families made through adoption may be online looking for support because they want open adoptions that aren't as open as they had originally hoped. As a firstmom active in online communities, blogging, etc. I know many firstmothers that want more openess or consistency, or the openess that they were promised at all. It would seem from just those perspectives then that there is an evil adoption fairy closing the adoptions from another point somewhere. Obviously that can't be true so my belief is that we don't as often hear from those that are the closers of adoptions. Adoptive parents OR firstparents. No doubt an adoption may be closed from either angle.
I try to change the perception in my own life by affirming that I will not contribute to the statistic. I try to talk to others that are facing difficulties with openess to remind them why they chose open adoption in the first place, hoping that they don't contribute to the statistic. Leading by example is my first step in changing perceptions.
Also, it's easy to look at what the people are talking about. Rarely are forum threads started titled, "Our open adoption is going great and hasn't closed!!" That doesn't mean they're not closing, it means people don't celebrate what's supposed to be happening, nor do they complain about it (I hope!!!) I think it would be great to have more positive discussions about our successes and have myself tried to start threads on those topics so that we can share our successes in open adoptions.
Can you give a specific
Can you give a specific "case example" of what people mean when they say an adoption was "open" and not it is "closed."
The term of openness is not well defined, but I would think once its open, its been opened...does contact stop? If there is less frequency of visits or contact, does that mean its closed? I wouldn't think so.
I think when people say an
I think when people say an open adoption has been closed is when the agreed to, or expected, or previously adheared to contact ceases without known cause.
For example, if letters and pictures twice a year were agreed to (not how I define "open" but some do), and they cease, that would be closing the adoption.
If monthly phone calls were agreed to, or visits, or emails or whatever, and one party moves/disconnects the phone number/changes email addresses or otherwise is not contactable, and doesn't notify the other of new contact information, that would be considered closing as well
Am I really naive to be
Am I really naive to be incredibly surprised that someone would actually cease contact (like moving away?)
I have heard of a few birth parents who had trouble with the emotions and stopped making contact but for an adoptive family to do that with no mediation is incredibly disconcerting.
I'll give two completely
I'll give two completely different situations that I know of from two of my absolute closest friends.
One is a firstmom that a few years into the adoption stepped back. She was about 20 at the time and was in a semi-open adoption. No visits, but updates and pictures. She wasn't feeling how she was a part of the process or how it was benefitting her DD and thought it might be better to step back. Today, her DD is 16 and she is working amazingly hard on re-establishing the relationship with her daughters Mom. It's been very hard, but she's doing it.
I have another friend that was also in a semi-open adoption. Her son's parents provided information and she responded by sending letters and updates to a PO Box. One day she looked in her own mailbox to find that her update had been returned upon the closing of the PO Box. She never received another update or and explanation as to why the PO Box was closed. Today, she is in contact with her son and working on their reunion.
wow, that is really sad to
wow, that is really sad to hear.
I hope that they can forge a more positive journey from this point on..
Thanksgiving mom said.....my
Thanksgiving mom said.....my belief is that we don't as often
hear from those that are the closers of adoptions. Adoptive parents OR
firstparents. No doubt an adoption may be closed from either angle.
I agree, wholeheartedly. As I said I fully understand that with any limited data set (those who talk about it on the Internet, for example) it is impossible to see the whole picture or glean any meaningful statistics from them
That's my problem, here, I hate unverified information, about anything really, being spread around as truth. If someone posted on a blog "It is estimated that 80% of women who relinquish for adoption are drug addicts", and others picked that up and repeated it as truth, there would be a huge angry backlash, rightfully so. But how do we know it is not true? How do we verify any statistic? Usually through published studies, or good data collection methodlogy that is cited and sourced and can be reviewed, right?
How do we know that the "it is estimated that 80% of open adoptions close" is even remotely close to the reality?
I admit, not everyone shares my obsessive views about verifying "facts" when debating issues, but it seriously bothers me. I see this stat quoted mostly on sites that claim open adoption is a merely a ploy used by prospective adoptive parents to lure mothers into relinquishing- only so they can close it as soon as the ink is dry.
If seriously 80% of adoptive parents are unethical liars, that is an important point to address in any reform or educational efforts.
If it is a scary, false statistic used to paint all adoptive parents as lying monsters who only want to steal babies, that is an important point as well.
my mom is a statistician, so
my mom is a statistician, so I share your love (or need) of accurate data..which is pretty tough in the social sciences, esp adoption.
I worry about the perceptions people have about birth parents, as well as adoptive parents...I don't like people to assume things about me..that I would do just about anything "to get a baby" or "that I am a control freak"
This is a really good point.
This is a really good point. I write about our open adoption because I'm a writer but yeah, a lot of people I know who are living successful open adoptions are so busy living them that they don't feel compelled to write about it. I think we're more likely to hear from people who are struggling.
I personally think that open adoptions are more likely to close because of the lack of post-adoption support, which is why I started this site. I think if people knew and understood the value of openness and understood that NO relationship is without challenges, they would be more likely to work at maintaining their open adoptions. So that's the goal of OpenAdoptionSupport.com.
I hope that isn't true but I
I hope that isn't true but I wouldn't be surprised if it was. The reason this static could be so high is because it may include all adoptions. Even court ordered custody for step-parents or foster children who were sequestered from their birth/first parents. I had high hopes for the relationship with the adoptive parents of my birthchild and my hopes are slowly diminshing. There are alot of high emotions with open adoption and people(especially adoptive parents) can be really irrational about what is and is not the 'best' for their adopted child. I think the best thing advocates of open adoption can do is be honest. Also I think that parenting courses for pre-adoptive parents should be a must. Sometimes the unexpected stress of raising a child makes adoptive parents shy away from letting the birthmom know about the child because they may worry about her feelings about them. I don't have any real advise on how to change things for the better though...sorry.
I am an adoptive parent, and
I am an adoptive parent, and I wrote the question. Our adoption is fully open including with extended family. I have "met" many aparents online (not too many IRL), and never heard of one who closed an open adoption. I have met several that want more openness, but the first families do not.
I accept that my limited number of contacts do not give the whole picture, and that the stat might be true, however without a source citation, or a published study, or data collection methodlogy to scrutinize it very well could have been made up out of whole cloth.