The Topic
What one thing about open adoption would you tell your past self, if you could?
The Responses
M de P from Reservado Para Futura Mama realizes that openness doesn’t always look like what you hoped for–and that that can be okay.
Thorn at Mother Issues looks at open adoption from her unique perspective, as she navigates relationships with the biological family of her partner (who was adopted as a child) and prepares to adopt from the foster care system herself.
Spyderkl at Evil Mommy lays out all the things she wishes someone had said to her. I love this line, “As long as you’re a parent, there is a choice you’ll have to make between love and fear.”
Tammy at You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya remembers her journey from rejection of open adoption to wholehearted acceptance, and reflects on what she has learned from again needing to adjust her hopes to reality.
Dawn of This Woman’s Work tells herself that while parenting in open adoption may be different in many ways, it isn’t something to fear.
Valerie at From Another Mother reflects on the key role trust played as she prepared to place her son in an open adoption.
Anonymous talks about the realities of raising children who are not genetically related to you.
Tracey at Grace Comes By Hearing tells herself things aren’t as black and white as she thinks they are–nor as scary.
Ginger at Puzzle Pieces gently reminds herself not to lose sight of her own needs as she deals with the aftermath of placing her daughter. Openness may be for the benefit of the child, but the adults need tending to as well.
Jane of Jane’s Calamity, who grew up in an open adoption, writes about the new perspective she gained when she entered into an open adoption with her own child’s adoptive parents.
Karen of Clio declares that open adoption is a state of mind–it won’t threaten your parenthood unless you let it.
Jenna at The Chronicles of Munchkin Land searches for the one piece of advice that would have made a difference as she considered placing her daughter.
Jeannette looks back and wishes she had better understood how much she had to offer her daughter in those early years.
Ashley of More Than Dog Children realizes none of the worries she had about open adoption were necessary.
Andy at Today’s the Day! looks back with the wisdom of hindsight and wonders if there was more she could have done to keep her son’s first mom in contact.
Thanksgivingmom at I Should Really Be Working writes two moving letters, one to her past self on the cusp of entering into the unknown of open adoption and another to her future self wondering what path her relationship with her placed daughter took.
Deb of Waiting on Life speaks honestly about the interplay of emotions and decisions as they figure out the parameters of a semi-open adoption.
Jessica of Here’s to Hope honors the power of personal stories in preparing ourselves for openness.
D at The Mommy Journals reflects on how the very things you once resisted can become surprisingly normal.
Jess at The Problem With Hope celebrates how adoption has expanded her family in ways she never guessed it would. “What started out a relationship I thought I was obligated as a parent to keep has become an extended family….and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Debbie B at Always and Forever Family comments on both the importance of communication and of not giving in to fear. “When you see your child smile upon seeing her birthmother any fears you might have still had will melt away.”
Andi-bo-bandi of Our Adoption Adventure wrestles with the reality that the openness she so readily embraced may not always be matched by her son’s first family.
SocialWkr24/7 of Eyes Opened Wider uses the moving story of one multi-branched family to show the potential benefits of openness in adoptions from foster care.
Rebeccah at Chasing a Child thinks about the circumstances of her son’s placement, speculating on what the concept of openness may have looked like from his first mom’s perspective.
Lavender Luz of Weebles Webblog remembers back to when she learned that everything she thought she knew about adoption was wrong.
Leigh at Sturdy Yet Fragile shares the reasons she chose a semi-open adoption when she placed her daughter and why she wishes she had thought more about the future.
KatjaMichelle of Therapy Is Expensive at first struggles with just what she would say to her 17-year old self, then arrives at this realization: “I would remind myself that the child I was carrying was not only my son, he is also my parent’s grandson, my sister’s nephew, my future neices’ cousin, and my future children’s brother.”
Bethany at Our Adoption Journey honestly faces the fears she has about open adoption as she and her husband wait to adopt.
Kathleen, Kat, Kate, or Katie…depending on when we knew each other stumbles into openness and discovers it’s not what she feared–and maybe even influences a pro-closed adoption agency for the better.
Brown at Coming Clean: Confessions of a Secret Birthmom wishes she could tell herself to push through the hard times for the promise of the freedom she might have had with her daughter.
Britney at Beauty from Ashes wishes she knew how much placing her son would affect the people she loves the most and how pre-adoption contact might have helped them.
Erin of Seeking God Knows What finds freedom as she embraces the fluctuations in her family’s open adoption.
The first roundtable has ended, but the conversation doesn’t have to. Write out your own response and leave a link in the comments of this post. What would you say to your past self?
[...] a topic you’d like to see kicked around, definitely let me know!) We’ve looked back at the beginning of our adoption journeys. We’ve talked about the fathers. Now we’re going to dream a little for the future. [...]