Open Adoption Support » adoption closet http://openadoptionsupport.com for families and individuals who support openness in adoption Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:14:03 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 How do I tell my kids about their older brother? http://openadoptionsupport.com/2009/02/23/how-do-i-tell-my-kids-about-their-older-brother/ http://openadoptionsupport.com/2009/02/23/how-do-i-tell-my-kids-about-their-older-brother/#comments Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:16:54 +0000 Admin Dawn http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/?p=547
  • Openness when adopting older kids from foster care?
  • What can I do to keep my relationship close with my son even though I live so far from him?
  • I have a five year old daughter that has not seen her biological father since she was a year old. Now he wants to see her.
    • ]]>     I was 20 years old and married when I gave my son up for adoption. I already had a  son from a previous relationship. I was told by everyone that I was too young to take care of two children. I was pregnant when I married my husband.  He knew about the pregnancy when we married. I was brought up in a very religious house hold. I was an embarrasment to the family with the first pregnancy, or at least that was the way I felt. I was told over and over again how I should be thankful that such a “wonderful” man would marry me in the “condition” I was in. Like I was ruined and no one else would ever want a unwed mother. Needless to say that marriage did not last. I felt foreced to give my son up by my exhusband. I had said that I didn’t think I could do it, he told me “have fun trying to raise two kids on your own”. If just ONE person would have said that they would be there for me and my new son, I never would have given him up. Now it’s 17 years later. My oldest son is about to graduate from high school, the same year as the son I gave up for adoption. It’s taken 17 years for all of this to finally hit me. What I’ve done. The years of not being able to talk about the son I gave up. The years that I should have/ could have asked for updates on him. I think I need to let my children know about him. Especially my oldest. I think he will take it particularly hard because he knows that there was a lot “wrong” with his first stepfather. He knows that something isn’t right with his mom right now. I don’t want him to think it is anything that he did. I’ve remarried to a wonderful man who supports me 100%. I’m just not sure how to tell my children about their half brother.

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