I’m not sure this is really an appropriate question for this forum, but I’m not sure where else to ask… As an a-parent, I belong to a discussion forum for support. Mostly it’s just day to day chat, adoption advice for newbies etc. Sometimes people post things that I think is unethical, or wrong, like [...]
Open Adoption Support
for families and individuals who support openness in adoption
We honor the connection adoptees have to both of their families. We recognize the love and joy as well as the losses and grief of adoption. We do not diminish one family in favor of another. We are flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change. We set boundaries on the basis of what is best for our children.
We understand that open adoption looks like different things for different families.
Tag archives for adoptive parents
How do you handle relationships with bio siblings?
Wondering how other adoptive parents have handled relationships between thier child through adoption and other children BP have. Our family is a make up of 4 bio boys and a daughter through adoption. We have an ongoing relationship with BP and maternal GPs. When we adopted 8 years ago BPs were very young & still [...]
Do I show interest or give them some space?
I’m a first parent in a functioning open adoption—we have a legal agreement, and in most respects, our contact goes above and beyond what the agreement outlines (e.g., the agreement is for one annual visit, and we’ve had two so far this year). However, there is one area in which the adoptive parents don’t follow [...]
What gifts can a birth/first mom give her birthchilds adoptive parents?
I feel like the adoptive parents of my birthchild think I’m too poor to give them anything, but I’m not!! Plus I just really like giving gifts. In the past I give them a card with a gift certificate inside. The adoptive parents have only once sent me a card for christmas. Other than that they only send me ONE professional picture at christmas time. Just the picture, no note or anything. Anyways, I feel like giving them a good gift would be a step towards a closer relationship. What should I give them?
Adoptive parents, would you want the first/birth mom of the child you adopted to tell her friends?
Would you (adoptive parents) want the first/birth mom of the child you adopted to tell her friends about the experience? I am really curious how adoptive parents might react to the knowledge that others they have not met know about them. I don’t tell hardly anyone(in person) about my experience in becoming a birthmom. I sort of feel like it would be like gossiping, but I talk about my family to people I know a lot. I know it should probably be the same with my birthchild. I heistate because I know that the adoptive parents of my birthchild do not tell everyone they know that they adopted. I think that probably is why I heistate.
Should adoptive parents be given more info before the adoption?
Several months after we adopted our daughter, we learned some very upsetting news about her birth family. Her birth mothers father is a registered sex offender, and sexually abused his daughter. We put a lot of effort into establishing a relationship with our daughters birth mother and our daughters birth family, but this mans presence in
visits, etc is very, very difficult for us to deal with.
It has become clear to us (my husband and i) that there are some serious issues with boundaries within the dynamic of our daughters birth family, and as such, it has been difficult navigate situations and visits.
We don’t regret the decision to pursue openness, but it does raise a question for us as adoptive parents. When she was pregnant, our daughters birth mother, had access to our home study, and an information she asked, we provided. Given the magnitude of her decision, as well as the welfare of her unborn child, this makes sense to us. However, I think more thought needs to be given about what type of information an adoptive family recieves before making the commitment/covenantal decision to intertwine their lives with people about whom we may have very little information.
Thoughts?
How will we get through this adoption?
My 17 yr old son and his 17 yr old girlfriend have a nearly 4 month old baby boy. They decided to place him for adoption with a wonderful family whom we have all gotten to know very well. We have come to love and trust this family, my grandson’s adoptive parents and brother, throughout an extended period of waiting for the adoption to become finalized. There were extenuating circumstances involving the maternal grandmother. Now- it looks like the adoption will be finalized in a week or so. My questions are these: As I have been one of the primary caregivers of my grandson, I’ve refered to myself as “Grandma”. What will I call myself now? Also, how do we refer to his “birth” mother and father? etc. etc.
And lastly (for now anyhow) how does a very loving and caring family who know that they are doing the right thing for the baby grieve for the loss of the child? This is going to hurt us all so much.
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