How can I ask my child’s parents to be more consistent?

Dawn — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:25:27 +0000

The original agreement (6 years ago when R was born) was twice a year pictures and once a year visits. I was fine with that. Then as R got to be toddler age, we did visits on some sort of erratic schedule decided by R’s mother, sometimes monthly, sometimes every 3 months, but fairly frequently and we had monthly email contact, sometimes with pictures.

R’s mom had not contacted me and had ignored my emails for 10 months. This is a first for us. She’s always been erratic but she’s never gone that long without contact. The daughter I’m parenting (D, age 8 ) was disappointed by the stop of contact, and then upset, and finally accepting of the fact that there might not be any more contact. I had accepted that there might not be more contact.

Now she’s contacted me again, after 10 months of silence. I don’t know what to do. And I’m angry. I wouldn’t refuse to see R if that’s what she wants but I’m not sure that it’s good for D to have such erratic contacts. If there was a set schedule that was followed, she would know what to expect and she does want to see her sister.

I just don’t like seeing her emotions on a roller coaster ride because R’s mom isn’t consistant. The emotional roller coaster hurts me too but I’m an adult. I need R’s parents to set a schedule they can live with and stick to it. But I don’t know how to insist on it.

I don’t want to think that I want more than they’re willing to give. I don’t care what schedule they set. I want them to pick something and then follow it. The erratic contact is no longer acceptable because it’s hurting D.

Any suggestions? What would you do if you were me?

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Open Adoption Support » consistency in contact

How can I ask my child’s parents to be more consistent?