We have an open adoption, our agency encouraged it and gave us some education…every year I send a letter and pictures to my daughter’s birthmother. We also buy her birthsisters Christmas gifts. We have always told my daughter the story of her adoption since she was a baby. The problem is, now age 7, my [...]
Open Adoption Support
for families and individuals who support openness in adotion
We honor the connection adoptees have to both of their families. We recognize the love and joy as well as the losses and grief of adoption. We do not diminish one family in favor of another. We are flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change. We set boundaries on the basis of what is best for our children.
We understand that open adoption looks like different things for different families.
Tag archives for grandparents
How do we say no to extended family involvement?
When we entered into the open adoption it was ONLY to be with biomother. Because of the whole dcf involvement, the grandparents never wanting contact, thats what we agreed. Today i got an email asking me to bring my son to his biograndmothers daughters bday party. shes turning 6. Honestly she rejected him by not [...]
Why would the bio grandparents not want to see their grandson?
So, awhile ago I dropped by my son’s bio grandmother’s shop to say hi. It was on my way and I just thought it’d be a nice surprise. She hasn’t seen him in awhile and I always get the feeling like she doesn’t want to ”bother” us. We have good relations w/ bparents as well. [...]
Grieving as a grandmother, where can I find help?
My daughter just released her son for adoption yesterday. I am so worried that she was misled by the agency and will have serious regrets. I know I do, but I am trying hard to support her. Where can I find the help that she and I both need?
First Grandparent is hostile, what to do?
My son’s bio grandfather wants to see him, but he has been very much against the adoption since placement happened over a year ago. He hasn’t really said or done anything extreme, but the 2 times he has seen his grandson he has not spoken a word to my husband or I and left us [...]
Do first grandparents have rights?
I am a biological Grandmother. Our sons girlfriend had a child a few months back but abondoned the baby at the hospital. My son did not want it either. The childrens aid ask if we wanted to raise the child, unfortunately we are in our 60’s and with some major health issues. We agreed to let the baby be adopted, but, also, that we remain as it Grandparents. We were told that they had found a couple who agreed to allow us to visit with our grandchild, but this has since turned into a nightmare for us. We were only given visits of an hour or so every few months, with the new parents always there. My question is this,: Does anyone out there have any idea’s on how we can get more visiting time and is it legal for the new parents to make up such a hard schedule for us.
Grandparent rights after adoption?
Are there any laws that allow the [first] grandparents of the adopted child to see them?
How can I get the grandparents to respect our family boundaries?
What would you consider “excessive” when it comes to birthgrandparents sending presents? Last year (the first year), they were sending presents every few weeks. In the beginning…I did not say anything because I knew how difficult they took the adoption. But….eventually….we just didn’t have room for all the stuff we were getting…so I “respectfully” requested that they please limit their gift-giving to her birthday and/or holidays…like Christmas. I got a
really NASTY reply from the bf’s mother, but the presents did stop for a few months. Now…it has started up all over again.
Because of the previous response I got from the bf’s mother…I am very hesitant to contact her again. (I only send e-mails to the bf.) But, at the same time…I am not happy/comfortable dealing with all of these gifts she keeps sending to BOTH my children and having to find space, etc, etc.
If any of you were in the situation (just curious) what would you do? I am tempted to not contact them at all, but then keep a couple of the toys, and give the rest away to a needy family. My husband thinks that would be really bad on my part to give the toys away. I don’t know what to do. I feel torn….and I cringe every time the UPS man stops in front of our house.
Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.
When does contacting first parents become hounding?
What do I do when the (birth )mother stops contact – how much contact should I keep on and when does it become hounding? I send updates every 6 – 8 weeks, (directly not via an agency), I leave messages, I send
gifts, cards, for her and her other children – (she placed her middle child at birth for adoption because it was not her boyfriend’s baby). We met with her when we were placed – we agreed on full openness (despite the agency’s misgivings) she knows where we live, we sent her tickets to visit us for a week and she and her daughter stayed with us. I try to make contact every month – I send updates and photos to her mother and grandparents as well . But we never hear back – we used to get sporadic voice mails but now for over 12 months – nothing. My husband says I should not hound them they will reach out when they are ready – but I really don’t want them to disappear from our child’s life.
We are having difficulties establishing boundaries with my daughter’s fraternal birth grandparents.
We are having difficulties establishing boundaries with my daughter’s fraternal birth grandparents. We have an open adoption in which we promised the birthmother and the birthfather that we would send periodic updates via e-mail and set up a visit once a year. The birthfather’s parents do not like this agreement, and instead have tried their best to force themselves into our lives. They have found out where we live, and where we go to church. They want to have frequent visits (any time they want, but at least weekly) They even told us they would become members of our church so they could come find us every week in church. They decided (even though we asked them not to) that they want both our kids to call them “Grandma” and “Grandpa” and have been sending gifts to both of our children signed and even sometimes monogrammed with those names. I am absolutely overwrought with anxiety about what these people have said, done, and plan to do! We have our annual “scheduled” visit coming up Thanksgiving Weekend. I am absolutely dreading it!!!!! We have asked the birthfather to meet with my husband and I the day before the visit, so that we could “clear up a few things”. The thing is, this birthfather is a good kid ….and we don’t want to upset him. We are eternally grateful to he and the birthmother for choosing us to be her parents….however….we NEED HIS PARENTS TO BACK OFF!!!!! Any suggestions on how to accomplish this while preserving our relationship with the birthfather would be GREATLY appreciated!
Recent Comments