DS has a cousin, I, through his Fmom, F, who has recently expressed anger and pain at DS’s adoption. He is very close to his aunt, and she is helping him as she can (within the constraints of her parents ideas of appropriateness), but is there anything I can do, as DS’s adoptive mom, to [...]
Open Adoption Support
for families and individuals who support openness in adotion
We honor the connection adoptees have to both of their families. We recognize the love and joy as well as the losses and grief of adoption. We do not diminish one family in favor of another. We are flexible, understanding that needs and circumstances change. We set boundaries on the basis of what is best for our children.
We understand that open adoption looks like different things for different families.
Tag archives for help
How can we move forward with finalization?
We adopted our son at 3 days old in 1/08. The paper work for finaalization was submitted to court 3/08. OUR ADOPTION IS STILL NOT FINAL. Our son in now 11 months old. Can’t get courts to give me information and my attorney is very difficult to reach and work with. My husband and I have considered hiring another attorney, but don’t have the money to start over. HELP Is a year too long for a private adoption or do we need to get a new attorney.
First Mom and child’s birthday
I was wondering what advice you all would give on how to handle my daughter’s first birthday. We will be inviting her first mom and many members of the first family. What I was wondering was how if at all we should make her first mom feel included in the party.
She’s a very shy young lady and I don’t want to embarass her but I would like to include her. My only thought is to have her help with the gift opening. Any other ideas? I’ll ask her as it gets closer (April) but I want to have some ideas to give her.
Should I help my child’s first parents financially?
I am posting anonymously because I am so conflicted about this situation and I don’t feel confident about this.
Our son is nearly 2 years old. About 11 months ago, his birth mother apparently vanished. Her phone got cut off; the mailing address was no longer current; and we had no way of getting in touch. This was very upsetting. I lost a lot of sleep over it and wondered many things.
Last week, out of the absolute blue, our phone rang and there she was. I was so happy and told her so. She said she had simply misplaced our number, been moving around a lot, etc. I don’t think she realized it had been almost a year. She thought it had been a few months.
We immedately took her new address and sent all the boxes that had been piling up and sent back to us. We included a phone card so she could call in the future.
Tonight she called..I thought to tell us whether she’d gotten the box or not. But unfortunately she’s run into a bit of difficulty.
She has been moving from place to place the last few months (6 months or so) and put all her things in storage. Well, she also is out of work for a while and has no way to pay the storage. The storage company is now proceeding with officially warning her that her items will be sold at auction if she can’t pay the fees. She gave them her xmas savings which was about half the fees, but still owes the other half.
It is a bad situation all around of course. She was asking for help with the rest of the fees. We are not particularly wealthy but if we had a $300 emergency within our household we would of course be able to pay it. My impulse is to pay this bill for her. All her possessions are at stake…her children’s winter clothes…and photographs of her children who are with her as well as our son. These things are not insignificant.
If we can help with this bill I am afraid that one day something else will come up and I will not be able to help. A $1000 bill would be very difficult and more than that I don’t think we could come up with without some creativity. We’re careful with money, but we both work hard to make a secure life for us and our son, we don’t have very much extra on a regular basis. It would probably be exaggerating to say that this could continue on a regular basis–I have the feeling that it was hard for her to ask–but I don’t know how to say “We came up with 1, 2, or 3 hundred. We may not be able to again.” I really don’t know how to say no, and also don’t know how to pay while letting her save face.
need thoughts and a range of options. I’m overwhelmed by this.
ps I’ve read the previous question and see the similarities…although our adoption is long since final and this does not affect legality of anything
Can we help more before finalization?
I’m so upset. We just received an email from our child’s birthmother asking for money. I know she is in desparate straits to be asking us, and it sounds like she might go to jail if she doesn’t pay these fines. I just feel terrible that we can’t help her, but it is before finalization and none of us can afford to jeopardize the adoption. Is there any way I can help her?
Should we agree to more than we’re comfortable with?
A few months ago I was a birth coach for a friend’s daughter. B-mom arranged a private adoption for Baby but B-dad wouldn’t release custody, so Baby went into foster care. At that time, my husband and I were in the middle of getting certified for foster-adopt; we found out just a few weeks ago that Baby is in foster care (not sure if parental rights have been terminated yet). We discussed it and decided to ask B-mom and B-grandma (my friend) if they would like us to adopt Baby. They were ecstatic and readily agreed.
This is where it gets sticky… B-mom and B-dad are married. They have a toddler living with B-grandma because B-dad is in prison (drug related) and CPS was called on B-mom (neglect & drug related). We are more than willing to have a open contact with B-grandma and B-sister, but we aren’t sure about B-mom and B-dad due to their history. (We’ll do letters and photos but not sure about face to face.) Now B-mom doesn’t want us to adopt Baby unless she can have open contact. B-parents know where we live and we have another child, so there is some concern about safety, etc.
Has anyone encountered anything at all similar to this? Any information would be helpful!
Help understanding cocaine exposure issues?
I won’t go into all the details, but am looking for information about parenting a baby (boy) who has been exposed to cocaine in utero- pretty heavily during the first 5 months, and again just now in the 9th. the mom (who was mostly clean for months 5-8) sadly just relapsed. so i’m looking for resources and words of wisdom from those with experience parenting a cocaine exposed baby. She has 2 other children (age 7 and 15 months) who were also drug exposed and are developing typically, but I don’t really know the details and haven’t met them.
The information on the internet seems to be pretty conflicting. The baby is due mid-november.
How close is too close?
how close is to close in an open adoption? i really like my sons birthmom shes young and needs guidance which i try to give my husband says im tooo involved. let me say we adopted through DSS he was removed when hewas 3 mts old. My 5 bio girls like her but again shes made bad choices in her past. should i help guide or just keep our scheduled
visits. i just feel for her.
Advice to an expectant mom considering placement?
My 18 year old daughter is having a baby boy in December. She is thinking about letting her 27 year old sister adopt him. She worries that she will regret the adoption when the baby is born, but she wants to go to college and work. What help can you offer us? Books to read? People to talk to?
Thanks!
At what age should I tell my adopted child that I am really her grandmother?
I have had her since birth. She is three now. Her mother is my drug-addicted daughter. She sees on sporadically. My daughter wants her to call her “Mommy”. Help.
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