The National Crittenton Foundation has launched a new service on their website called Crittenton Connections, which aims to help connect people looking for birth parents, adult adoptees or other family members. The service can be accessed via The Foundation’s website here. Crittenton Connections was created in response to the calls and emails received by the Crittenton family of agencies across the country and The National Crittenton Foundation from people looking for a family member. The service enables individuals who were involved at any point with a Crittenton agency (parents, children and family members) to post their contact information and to search for individuals who have also input information into the database. More information on the history of The National Crittenton Foundation is here.

The National Crittenton Foundation has launched a new service on their website called Crittenton Connections, which aims to help connect people looking for birth parents, adult adoptees or other family members. The service can be accessed via The Foundation’s website here. Crittenton Connections was created in response to the calls and emails received by the Crittenton family of agencies across the country and The National Crittenton Foundation from people looking for a family member. The service enables individuals who were involved at any point with a Crittenton agency (parents, children and family members) to post their contact information and to search for individuals who have also input information into the database. More information on the history of The National Crittenton Foundation is here.

For Linda Byrd 7/14/53 to 7/17/2000

When I met Linda, she'd been diagnosed with stage three breast cancer that had metastasized to her brain.  She'd just undergone brain surgery to remove the tumor.  Hairless but for a decent wig, thin and frail but for the lymph edema caused by steroids, she was all smiles and perfect southern hospitality.  My charge was to tutor her daughter through algebra I, II and geometry.  For three years I sat at her kitchen table eating her food, tutoring her daughter, talking about life and falling in love with her and her family.

As her health declined, I watched in wonder as Linda's mother became her nursemaid.  Unwavering in her care, Mrs. Garvin watched over her daughter, feeding her, bathing her, holding her hand through the horrible side effects of the chemo, and fretting only when she was out of Linda's earshot.  Her maternal devotion was unparalleled.  So I asked her how at 78, she could so unwavweringly and selflessly care for her adult daughter and she told me that her drive was due in part because she owed her daughter's life to another woman, Linda's birthmother.

Infertile myself and considering adoption, we began an ongoing discussion about what it means to be an adoptive mother, what feelings and emotions adoptees have and whether or not it was worth doing again when considered in retrospect.  As a whole, the only regret Linda and Mrs. Garvin expressed was that the adoption was closed.  Their reason was simple.  A genetic family history might have provided the impetus for early breast cancer screening and perhaps given Linda a chance at survival.

My time as a tutor at their home was insignificant compared with the time I devoted to washing dishes, caring for Linda, cleaning the house, preparing meals and doing laundry.  I always made time to sit at Linda's bedside to listen to her stories about her childhood and her laments that she never knew her birthmother.  She always finished her tales with praises that God had provided her with such a loving adoptive mother who undoubtedly would rival all mothers as The Best Mother Ever and that she hoped her daughters would be able to say the same of her.  Linda always encouraged me to consider adoption and to stay in touch with the first families if possible because medical histories are so important.  And she always said, "I know one day you will be a mother too.  I just know it."

The last coherent words Linda said before she slipped into a coma were, "It is well with my soul."  Two weeks later, she left this earth.  I had a dream of her later.  She was in heaven sitting with her birthmother, all smiles and jublilation.  She said, "This is my mother and I am well."

Five months later Mrs. Garvin was at my baby shower.  We didn't say anything.  We just held each other and cried.  First and foremost in our hearts was Linda, whose words of love and kindness had carried beyond the grave and impacted my life and the life of my adopted children.  I credit them both with the peace I have about choosing to adopt in an open adoption. 

URL:

http://www.aifs.gov.au/afrc/pubs/newsletter/newsletter5.html#secrecy

Keywords:

adult adoptees, closed records, adoptive parenting

Abstract:

As part of a larger study, 144 adult adoptees completed a survey that included a number of background items and standardised questionnaires. Of most relevance to this article was an item that tapped the adoptive family's attitude towards discussing the topic of adoption, with responses ranging from open and honest discussion through to secrecy. Attachment and parental bonding were also assessed. All participants were born in Australia, had an Anglo-Australian background, and were adopted by non-relatives within two years of birth. At the time of the survey, they ranged in age from 18 to 66, with a mean age of 39.2 years. Most were female (76.1%), married or cohabiting (62%), and had completed some education after high school (79%). Approximately six months later, 138 of the original participants again completed the attachment measure, but also completed various interpersonal relationship measures. Fifty-seven of these participants were later interviewed in more depth regarding their interpersonal relationships and their adoption, search, and reunion experiences.