Nov

13

The Wall: Open Adoption

November 13, 2009 |  Tagged , , | Leave a Comment

Author: Terri Enbourge

Nov

13

How to play “Wagon Wheel” on Guitar

November 13, 2009 |  Tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Play Wagon Wheel by OCMS

Nov

13

November 13, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

An Amazing Story about a Sweet Girl and Her Birth Mom

Nov

12

The Long Road Home

November 12, 2009 | | Leave a Comment

Welcome Home:::

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
- Unknown

I am a grateful birthparent today. I gave my first child to adoption at birth.
I was an extremely unstable teen, 19, and knew i couldn’t raise a child nor abort the child I was pregnant with. I went through the pregnancy with little to no support. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

The attorney I contacted sent the adoptive parents profile to me in the mail and i really liked what i read about them. One thing was for certain, they wanted and needed a baby in their lives terribly. They both flew down to meet me from New York. I interviewed them for hours – I had specific requests and questions on how they planned to raise her. After hours of interrogation, I knew they would be wonderful parents (this may be a gross overstatement, but i knew they would be better parents than me – ). My prospective adoptive mom had had multiple miscarriages and both she and her husband were on their 2nd marriage and in their early to mid 40′s. They had gone through 2 adoptions where the birth moms had changed their mind at the last minute. They wanted a baby so bad, and i was so grateful to be able to give my baby to two wonderful people who would give her stability, love and opportunity.
There must have been something greater than me that led me to this decision as I was the most immature and selfish 19 year old girl in the universe…or so i thought.
I was told it was an open adoption, later to find out that it was semi-open. Or semi-closed…. One letter, Two pictures a year. I LOVED getting the pictures and I sort of liked reading the letters all except for the 10 or so redundant words that read: my daughter, my little girl, my, my, my – that was a little overkill for this feeling, unstable twenty-something ) I was a little saddened by this, but I realized that this would probably be what was best for her. I mean, I had made my choice, right? The less confusion the better.
I had a lot of growing to do. I did not realize the ramifications of what carrying her inside me would do to my psyche. I tried to block out my emotions during the pregnancy. I was very ignorant of the innate bonding that happens while pregnant as well as the nesting aspect and the hormones. I didn’t know until hindsight that god actually prepared you during pregnancy to become a mother. I didn’t know. So there I was, post birth – alone. confused.
I escaped from these feelings in many unhealthy ways throughout the next 5 years. I was my own demise.
Something was missing from my life. Until I had my other two daughters and realized exactly what had happened….I was prepared to be a mother, and hung myself out to dry.
I forced myself to have a positive outlook on the adoption. I had to. This was the only way I survived the pain of the loss.
I never knew my birthdaughters last name or where she lived until last week when i opened my email and found a note in my facebook inbox that read: hey, it’s m******, your daughter.
My eyes filled with tears. My heart lept. I was in shock. I am married now with two other daughters, 7 and 6 – both girls. They both know that they have a sister I gave up for adoption as we have pictures of her in the house and talk about her on birthdays, holidays, whenever… They all came running into the room – I was shouting out loud uncontrollably with disbelief and joy and as i was crying I hugged my girls and told them that their sister had found me!
I always knew that she would find me one day b/c she has my curious and sentimental genes! I didn’t think it would be at 14 years old however, and her mom and dad don’t know yet. Needless to say that this is pretty much all I can think about at the moment. Everytime I sit down to work on schoolwork or my research paper, I flounder – look at pictures, read stories…smile.
I didn’t want to ruin the reunion by telling her what to do, but let her know that it was VERY important that she tell her mom she found me. I just want to do what’s right. This is all so overwhelming. I am SO happy that my birth daughter found me and I would love nothing more than to have a special relationship with her now, and get to know her for the beautiful and talented young woman that she has become. So where do we go from here? One foot in front of the other like always? Will her adoptive mom be receptive to her wanting to know me? Will I survive the rejection if she doesn’t? Life is so incredibly intense sometimes. I constantly am reminding myself that it is not about me, that this journey is about love. What is Love? Love is giving and not asking anything in return::::



  • Photobucket

Bad Behavior has blocked 0 access attempts in the last 7 days.