Comments on: Open Adoption Roundtable #10

By: Roundtable #10: Birthdays « Open Adoption Bloggers

Roundtable #10: Birthdays « Open Adoption Bloggers — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:40:12 +0000

[...] You Never “Get Over It” (first Mom) writes: “I have often toyed with the idea of having some kind of ritual for his birthday (preferably one that requires me to stay home and NOT go to work), but I just don’t know WHAT. Nothing really brings me any peace about him being gone. I have yet to find any ritual, any ANTHING that makes my soul less raw, my emotions less fragile on his birthday.” [...]

By: jesspond

jesspond — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:43:43 +0000

Your post makes me both sad and angry. I feel sad for you because of what your adoption isn’t, and angry because of things like “they told me in no uncertain terms that that wasn’t going to happen” and because you don’t feel comfortable enough with them to even send a card addressing your son as…your son!

I mean….I don’t know if I’m just simple minded or what the matter is, but I have no issues with my child having two mothers and two fathers. Intellectually it’s quite simple–someone else gave birth to her, and a woman who gives BIRTH to someone (ok, with the possible exception of surrogacy) is going to be, forever, that person’s mother. My daughter’s other mother makes me no less her mother! Emotionally speaking, I’m proud that she has two mothers. I don’t see why I should be upset or threatened about her or anyone else referring to Rachel as her mom or as “Mama Rachel” as we call her (simply for clarity).

I wish you an easier road ahead….and that you can find a ritual, even just the ritual of taking the day off, that will help you deal on your son’s birthday!

By: leigh218

leigh218 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:05:23 +0000

oops! i have no idea why but realized i wrote “his adoptive” instead of “her”

By: leigh218

leigh218 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:05:23 +0000

oops! i have no idea why but realized i wrote “his adoptive” instead of “her”

By: joy

joy — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:45:15 +0000

As an adoptive mom, I can tell you I wish our boys first families would at least send a card. I’m not much of a card person, but I think of it as something tangible for when questions arise. I could re-share the cards and memories, photos and stories of their birth. We would have something to look at together or, as they grow older to read over and over. I think a card would be nice.
J

By: Leigh

Leigh — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:26:44 +0000

I’m with you too! I send a card, but signing it is always hard for me. I don’t want to write, Love, Mom and offend his adoptive mom. I don’t want to write, Love, your birthmother cause that sounds too formal. Nor do I want to write, Love, leigh like we’re buds. I think I usually write, Love, Me

Or sometimes don’t sign it.

One thing I should have done though is photocopy them. I have a terrible memory when it comes to stuff like that and have no idea if I’m repeating myself every year.

By: Thanksgivingmom

Thanksgivingmom — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:20:44 +0000

Cupcake is turning three next year and this my first melt-down year…..while I’m not glad you’re in my boat, I’m glad that I’m not alone. (Hope that makes sense!) ((((hugs))))